Parenting

Yesterday as we were in line at the movie store, Ellie tapped me, asked me to lean down and then whispered in my ear: "Mommy, I'm afraid I'm not like other girls because I like boy things."

Now as I write this, it seems almost sweet. But there was a look in her eyes. A real and deep fear that she wasn't normal. Tears started welling up in her eyes and she buried her head in my chest and started to cry.

Apparently she was looking at a box of whoppers featuring a batman logo. She thought it looked cool. You see recently, Ellie has developed an interest in comic books. In particular she enjoys a series called Tiny Titans. We read them often, making up voices for the different characters, taking turns yelling when the characters yell, and giggling at the silliness.

But the problem occurred when one of the girls at school asked Ellie what princess she liked Ellie and replied, "I'm not really into princesses anymore." The girl gasped publicly and laughed. For Ellie, this was as if someone branded her with a big scarlet letter across her chest. She felt ashamed.

Now I can't express how this made me feel as a parent. A whole host of my own baggage came bubbling to the surface. Like the time in second grade when I was branded green pepper girl for a month because I ate the green peppers my mom packed in my lunch.

But I think the deepest feeling I had was one of failure.

I have always been cognizant of the marketing of items towards girls. How the mainstream culture has targeted our girls at younger and younger ages. From High School Musical (which is rather innocuous at first blush but frankly I find it to be a story about high school and I don't want my six year old thinking about the glamor of high school quite yet) to Hannah Montana (which is another teen whose image is plastered on size 4T clothing) to Libby Lu and their make up parties.

And Dave and I have both tried very hard to point out that these items are trying to sell an idea to the kids. I mean I have a degree in psychology, Dave has developed ad campaigns. I think we know a thing or two about what lies beneath the marketing. We (my mom, my sister and myself) started Ellie Bellie Kids because we wanted to bring a fresh perspective on childhood. It's not glamorous to be older. What's important is being who we are and enjoying the moment we're in. But Dave and my attempts are small compared to the machines.

Now honestly, I have no problem (AGAIN I HAVE NO PROBLEM) with pink, frills, feathers, sparkly shoes, etc. etc. I have no problem if a girl is a full on Fancy Nancy girly girl! It's okay to like girly things. Heck, I made tutus for girls for crying out loud!! You don't get much more girly girl than that!

And I do NOT believe the answer lies in burning Barbies. I just feel that our mothers and grandmothers fought too hard for us to not teach our daughters that there is a duality in each of us. We're not all pink all the time. We're not all batman loving all the time. We're a combination of these things. And it's okay to like whatever we like and NO one should be given the power to make us feel bad about it.

I hugged Ellie right there next to the malted milk balls and held her hand all the way home as she cried. I tried to explain that friends who make us feel bad about ourselves aren't real friends. That grown ups know that the world isn't simply divvied up into boy things and girl things and one day those girls will too. That she is normal. That we love her no matter what.

But later that night, I cried. This is just kindergarten. This is just the beginning.