Wednesday? Already?!

Well it seems as if another week has flown right by me. And this makes me rather sad. I am not looking forward to the end of summer because with it Ellie ventures off to full-day kindergarten. Sigh.

I have some exciting things percolating, and yet, I can't fully enjoy them because I'm a little weepy every day thinking about her going away. All day. Missing lunch with Jonah and me almost every day. Out from under my watchful eye.

Honestly, I don't remember being as broken up about her being in daycare that first year (almost two) as I am now at the thought of her going to school ALL DAY LONG. Maybe it's all the time that we've spent together (24-7) over the last four years. Maybe it's that I feel I know her personality inside and out and worry that the teachers and kids won't appreciate her for the special, creative person I know her to be. Maybe it's that I have my own issues I need to work through from childhood. Maybe I'm just selfish and will miss having one of my two constant companions around.

School is good. It will be good for her and I know she will do just fine. We all made it through and most of us are functioning without need of intense psychiatric intervention. It's silly and abnormal to feel this level of sadness when your little one goes off to ALL DAY KINDERGARTEN. It's only Kindergarten. I'm completely over thinking it, right?

But I can help feeling that I'm not ready just yet to close that chapter on the preschool era. That era where they're with you for every meal, every day. Where you are just as, or perhaps even more important, than their friends in shaping them. Where they don't slip away.

So that all brings me to my mommies-night-out this past Monday. This month, we had dinner and then went to see Mama Mia! And while it was great fun (as this is a great group of friends) I couldn't help but have a melancholy moment when Meryl sang Slipping Through My Fingers (and I mean like, had to stop myself from going into that snot-running-out-my-nose, puffy-eyed, full-fledge wail sort of melancholy moment).

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile

Now please excuse me while I go grab a box of tissues.